Page of Wands with Eight of Wands

Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan
Witches Tarot by Ellen Dugan

One of my favorite terms ever, in the history of idioms and colloquialisms and in my pursuit of blogging hyperboles is pot committed. No, this is not a reference to an unwavering devotion to all things cannabinoid. For those of you that didn’t dive head-first into America’s love affair with televised high stakes poker tournaments at the turn of the 21st century, let me explain:

When one has become pot committed in a hand of poker, it means the player has already put so many chips into the pot that it would be essentially throwing money away to fold, even if the prospects of winning the hand are grim at that point. The player might as well see it through, hoping for St. Somebody to start dealing out miracles at the poker table.

I love that term, I bought flowers and chocolates for that turn-of-phrase, I have gone down on my nearly-fifty-year-old cracking and popping knee to propose to that expression because it paints such a picture of our cultural reticence. It’s John Wayne holding hands with Clint Eastwood as they swagger through the main street of the town that will fall under the category of ghost at the arrival of the telephone to tell us to cowboy up and see it through. You don’t walk away when you’re this deep in it, no matter how many leeches are nipping at your ankles.

You know what I say? I think it takes bigger bowling balls to tear the whole thing down and start over when you’re so far into it, when you can see the vending machine within arm’s reach. That dollar bill you’re holding looks like a Scotch taped Sharpei which it will spit out in disgust with each attempt to feed it to the machine anyway. C5 will taunt you and deny you that tiny bag of Cheetos, leading to even greater shirt-rending anguish. Go back to Start.

I once learned of an apprentice to a drywaller who would erect and attach and mud and sand a wall under the supervision of his master. The master would watch him as he worked through the entire process, only to tear it down at its completion and make him start over. Meanwhile we sit in the studio audience and boo and turn to the lady sitting next to us that we only met on the tour bus on the way to the show and say “that guy is such an ass!”, as my applause slices through the din of disapproval like a drunk Nascar fan during the death scene of the antagonist at the opera.

Why do I find the idea of starting over when we’re near or at the finish line so fantastic? I believe it celebrates the notion that time is simply not. Time is a paper tiger of which we’ve become absorbed in the suspension of disbelief, obeying its barking orders like a Private First Class. When we fold on a futile hand while being so pot committed, we are declaring our inexhaustible wealth of time. We are showing the statement to our Swiss bank account of unending moments stitched into one great tapestry of eternity. We are showing ourselves and the world that it is our time, and it’s ours to burn as we see fit.

One of the most beautiful examples of this is the dul-tson-kyil-khor, the art of mandala sand painting by the Tibetan lamas of Drepung Loseling Monastery. They spend days, sometimes weeks, constructing exquisitely colorful mandalas with millions of grains of sand as you see here:

When they’ve completed this gorgeously intricate work of art they then deconstruct it, allowing its vibrant beauty to only reside in the memory of its viewers. It symbolizes that nothing is permanent, that the value in creating this great work of beauty is self contained, that it is about the process rather than the attainment.

So whether we believe we are too far into anything to turn back now, or whether we head back to the starting blocks just before breaking through the tape, the bottom line is it’s all one big Etch-a-Sketch that gets shaken by the universe when we eventually make that final exhale. At that point we’ll be in the middle of doing something as it is.

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Nine of Wands

Nine of Wands
A person appearing to be recently injured stands vigilant with a cache of wands behind him as reinforcement

Manifesting our desires is not always an instant process. In fact, the grander the vision of what we desire, the more time, effort, or energy will be required to bring it to fruition.

In between the time we set our vision and when we achieve it lie many trials and errors. With each mistake we make, with each disappointing outcome we experience in pursuing our dream, we find it takes more determination to take another shot at it. Reminding ourselves to “get back on the horse” begins to feel like an empty cliché, providing us with little to no inspiration. Continue reading Nine of Wands

Queen of Wands

A queen is seated on a throne, staff in one hand and a sunflower in the other. A black cat is seated at her feet
A queen is seated on a throne, staff in one hand and a sunflower in the other. A black cat is seated at her feet

The lion’s share of the power behind manifestation stems from creative expression. This is not purely limited to the creativity that goes toward attaining one’s goals and dreams. This applies to the exercise of creativity in and of itself.

The expression of creativity is a muscle, for all intents and purposes. The creativity required for shaping and forming the life we desire must be exercised and developed. In sports, preseason games do not count toward the team’s record but the games themselves are valuable for assessing their strategy and style. Painters, sculptors, musicians, and several other types of artists will initiate countless pieces and projects only to scrap them even after putting hours of work into them.

These exercises are just that, exercises. They are for the purpose of developing, training, and honing our creative power. The end result of anything in our life we work toward manifesting is the result of the many attempts that have preceded the final product.

However, what often holds us back from engaging in creative exercises is the frustration of repeated “attempts” that have not yielded any expected results. We see each attempt as a failure rather than an exercise. One way we can move beyond this perception is to view the exercises as playful endeavors, to not invest in the outcome, and allow our creativity to flow without the limits that can result from the expectations we place on ourselves to complete a task or to “get it right”. The final result will invariably contain every round of creativity we engaged in, therefore no trial run is ever wasted.