It’s time to reopen a door. Perhaps this door is synonymous with a wound…
As I enjoy using the tag surfing aspect of WordPress to discover other insightful and interesting blogs, I have lately found several that have been very raw and honest. This I truly admire, as that was the initial intent of this blog, to find the boundaries of where I feel vulnerable and sensitive about who and what I am and attempt to step over each of them.
I have employed this blog to strip the layer of protection I have provided myself in my daily interactions that serve to hide my self-doubts and insecurities. I have recruited these postings to pull myself out of my spiritual closet, to discuss those deeply held beliefs that may or may not be aligned with others, that might actually be ridiculed and scoffed in some circles or by some types.
I have made confessions on the perspectives on myself held by myself, then slit myself down the center, filleted open for any reader to gawk at as they pass by, potential criticisms and judgements in tow. This has not been easy by any means, but it has been highly cathartic. As I tremble with fear at the idea of sharing the things that go bump in the night of my mind- the night being the self and the bump being any outside judgment- I go forth anyway, shield up and sword out.
I share how I am intensely interested in all things psychic, those windmills that James Randi devotes his entire life to tilting. I share my belief in a divinity that permeates and connects all things that do or may or can exist which I refer to as All-That-Is or the Universe or the Divine as an attempt to eschew the use of the term God or risk being construed as a religious zealot of sorts. I share the parts of myself that illustrate my vulnerability, my fears, those parts of myself that are grappling with love of and for self. The aspects of who I am that I sometimes find inadequate by my own measure, or the possible and assumed measure of others.
Nonetheless, the door that I shut soon after creating this blog, then barred and deadbolted for nearly this entire calendar year has been the option to allow comments on this blog. As I held the hand of my higher self and waded into the unknown waters of divulging such intimate details of the self, I began to see glimpses of dorsal fins and crocodile ridges masquerading as comments and feedback on my posts.
So off comes the bandaid. I am reenabling comments on this blog. Why? So I can wade a bit further out into the water. You see, I have spent a great deal of my adulthood being concerned with how I am viewed, how I am seen, how I appear to others. I wanted to share the aspects of myself that I feared would be criticized but I wanted to do so to a panel of viewers hidden behind one-way glass. It encouraged me to share safely. Now I’m finding it is a bit too safe.
Feel free to post a comment, or to simply read and move on. You can agree and applaud my words, you can deride and criticize, you can counsel and advise, you can ignore and block. Your choices are just as valid as mine.