I need to be blatantly honest here. This is a very spiritual and introspective space here. This is sort of like my salt bath in blog form. It’s like my virtual Calgon, where I soak in the writings of my self-examination, but my tub is out in the middle of Times Square where any passer-by can look upon me soaking naked, for anyone to see.
This is a result of having chosen a blogging forum to share my personal progress in regard to my spiritual growth. My exploratory and experiential path has taken me to some unique and interesting areas, some of which are intensely philosophical, some of which crawl deep into the rabbit hole of the esoteric, some which are simply and purely self-improvement and self-examination – personal growth and all, and some which walk the plank of the psychic realm. All of which are spiritual. My spirituality is an enormous part of who I am and how I move through my life.
The crazy or ironic part of this is that I find myself concerned with the discerning eyes, with the tongue-cluckers and eye-rollers. I pace the floor and chew on my nails with great concerned that the skeptics and pessimists and James Randi’s will lean over and murmur harsh criticisms about me into the ears of each other during the dinner party. I will then become the wacko, the social pariah, the oddball that doesn’t get invited to all the cool parties, despite the fact that I limit myself socially to a great extent.
The odd part is that in my youth I owned this label. I displayed proudly my geek cred. I wore my weirdness on my sleeve and showed my freak card to anyone that had unwittingly stumbled into a conversation with me. Yet along the road of my life at some point my carriage wheel hit a boulder and the spokes snapped. I took those sideways glances and stored them in a jar on the shelf that sits at eye level.
What is that all about? Where did that come from? The days of a good old-fashioned burning at the stake are gone. The general population of our society is comprised of unconfessed heretics with our hodge-podge of experiences, ideas, and belief systems. Ghosts have been seen by accountants. Calculus teachers have had premonitions. There are corporate attorneys that go to see psychics once a month. There are football players that deeply examine all things spiritual yet are in no way religious. Yet I scan the crowd for the skeptics so I can find the best spots to hide from them? I’m placing the evaluation of my beliefs in the hands of people that seem to have their arms perpetually crossed, their heads shaking from side to side… the same people I encounter that with each refuting of the unknown or esoteric follows a pessimistic view of humanity?
So what if a nose is turned up in my direction? Am I not allowed to be criticized or dismissed? For some reason I seem to think that when I share such beliefs and convictions of which I own, a giant floodlight is cast upon me, and the entire audience of humanity drops what they’re doing to turn and gaze, pointing and gasping at me standing naked in a grand display. Meanwhile the reality is that all the passers-by in Times Square barely turn and look at me in my tub. Everyone else is just hoping they can get it right, that they can get by without being thrown out in the cold by everyone else. Just like me, everyone is travelling through time grasping at each tuft in the wind that affords them any form of validation.
On several occasions on this blog I have stated the importance for me to accept and embrace others’ beliefs and truths as valid for themselves. Perhaps it’s long overdue for me to do the same for myself.