Who am I really uncomfortable with?

There are a few people I’m not comfortable around. That’s the best way I can put it. And this bothers me.

Allow me to clarify. I don’t dislike these people, but I can’t say I’m crazy about them. I get along with them, but there are things about them that leave me feeling uncomfortable.  Most notably, the negative things they say about other people. How other people infuriate them, or how people make their lives more difficult. Sometimes they speak condescendingly to people, and other times their limited and rapidly diminishing patience with others manifests with what feels to me like a deficit of compassion.

But as I said, it bothers me.

I mentioned this to Jacque, and she tells me I don’t necessarily have to like these people.

Unfortunately, this is where I become one of the little figures in the Escher drawing of the stairway that ascends/descends perpetually, in a loop. I dislike the behavior in others that shows a dislike for others. Sounds hypocritical? That’s what bothers me.

It is said that people are a reflection of ourselves, that how we react to people is a dead-on indication as to how we feel about ourselves. Every time we express our dissatisfaction with another human being, it’s like pointing to a diagram of the human body in a doctor’s office, except instead of a human figure it’s a picture of all the people I know or encounter in my daily life. The doctor says “Show me on this diagram precisely where you don’t like who you are…” and I say “right here…” and I point to one of the people I’m not comfortable with.

Is it difficult for me to deal with these people being so impatient and critical with others because they represent the part of me that is impatient and critical with the people in question? Do I dislike that part of myself? Yes, yes I do.

The loop is formed because I want people to share in my tolerance, but I have little tolerance for those that don’t. I have little tolerance for that part of myself. If I accept my own intolerances, I accept intolerance? Where did I even come up with this rule that everyone has to tolerate everyone else all the time? More so, that I have to tolerate everyone all the time?

Once I learn to tolerate myself, the intolerance of others will fade naturally. I will embrace my own spiny exterior. I will march forward through this life leaving a trail of trial and error, letting my insecurities take flight in the form of crows to clean up the crumbs of my challenges, to remove the carrion of my own self-doubt that has exhausted its usefulness. I will thrust my hand in the jar of mistakes and pull the next one out, I will spread it on the ground and revel in my imperfect perfection, then I will wash it away and stand naked in all my humanity.

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David Dear

David Dear suddenly became interested in the exploration of metaphysics shortly after the Harmonic Convergence of 1987. Over the next 25 years he became proficient in reading Tarot and astrological natal charts, learned past life regression and Thought Field Therapy, and became attuned in Chios and is a Usui Reiki master. David has the innate ability to perceive aspects of reality on a multidimensional level and is naturally telepathic. He has a bachelor's degree in metaphysical theology and is an ordained metaphysical minister and licensed metaphysical practitioner. David currently lives in Tacoma, Washington with his wife/best friend, two dogs and one cat.

2 thoughts on “Who am I really uncomfortable with?”

  1. The thing is we are born with innate likes and dislikes. These extend to every part of our life (food, entertainment, people etc). To realize that these likes and dislikes offer us a contrast to more perfectly discern who we are allows personal growth. Attempting to change these parts of yourself that are as much of you as your skin, is denying the expression of your whole being.

    It is true that you do not have to like everyone in your experience. Determining the reasons why you don’t feel comfortable around certain individuals can allow for much more insight into who you are. At the same time attempting to “cut out” or change these parts of yourself that may be hardwired would be akin to a field mouse attempting to make friends with the snake or owl. In doing so, he would be devoured quickly giving nourishment to the snake or owl but no longer able to grow personally… just be digested internally.

    1. This makes sense…

      To shift the perspective ever so slightly, over the course of our lives we might find that we enjoy a particular food that we used to abhor years earlier.

      Perhaps we can eventually learn to like what we disliked previously, but it needs to take an organic and naturally progressive change, rather than trying to force the tolerance to change overnight. Perhaps the recognition of owning who we are in these contrasts can open us up to accepting that which we have trouble accepting as we grow. Growth is a slow and steady condition, after all. It cannot be forced.

      I very much appreciate the comment! Thank you… a very good point made.

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