Self realization vs. self control

I got to be snappy today.

Not through the display of my wardrobe selection, nor through the spring in my step. I got to be irritable and snappy at the very beginning of my workday.

My workday began with a bit of a jolt. I was not ready for it. I was not ready to be thrust into my workday, but I was. My workday was jabbed into my face while my eyes were only three-quarters open. I was to deal with a dangling participle of a problem left over from the end of yesterday’s workday. My attempt at getting the other party to take a quick step backwards in time for a do-over of a proper morning greeting was futile.

This time there was no expectation for my normal alacrity. Not even from myself. I grumbled and snipped and snarled. I dealt with the issue and re-dealt with the issue until it was resolved. My aggravation, however, was not. I carried my acrid disposition a bit further into the morning.

But I didn’t like it. I didn’t like coming across as a grump or grouch. I was beyond all that after all, wasn’t I? Where was my own personal advisor? There were no words of consolation. There were only bits of notes jotted down that I glanced through, little axioms that always sounded good from atop a horse, a really high one, but this morning only sound like consolations formed of vapor.

I knew my attitude was my choice. I knew the person I dealt with earlier was operating from a pretty standard position and it was ridiculous to expect them to behave any differently. Even so, this person had not developed the prerequisite mind reading skills to ascertain that I was not crisp enough to deal with a full frontal assault in the morning without having been given the appropriate amount of ramp-up time.

Yet all the cliff notes from my personally developed self-help seminar I often attended in my head were falling on deaf ears. I was cranky. I did my best to not take it out on the contributing party, but my disposition was apparent. But then a moment of beauty befell me. I embraced it. I gave that porcupine a big bear hug. I opened the front door of my emotional housing and allowed that mood to step inside without even insisting it wiped its feet.

I was cranky, I was human, and I was okay. I loved myself for that moment of shortness. It was not my standard demeanor by any means, and knowing that made me embrace it even more. The moment would soon pass. I would not hold it against the other party, and I wouldn’t hold it against myself. I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be.

So for that moment I got to be snappy. And that moment passed. And all was still well with myself.


Published by

David Dear

David Dear suddenly became interested in the exploration of metaphysics shortly after the Harmonic Convergence of 1987. Over the next 25 years he became proficient in reading Tarot and astrological natal charts, learned past life regression and Thought Field Therapy, and became attuned in Chios and is a Usui Reiki master. David has the innate ability to perceive aspects of reality on a multidimensional level and is naturally telepathic. He has a bachelor's degree in metaphysical theology and is an ordained metaphysical minister and licensed metaphysical practitioner. David currently lives in Tacoma, Washington with his wife/best friend, two dogs and one cat.

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